IMAGINE THERE'S NO COPPERS
by Andrew Williams

Every writer has certain stock quotes, phrases and anecdotes they love to
pull out to demonstrate their erudition and/or prove a point. The impetus
for this essay was one of my favorite lines from the philosopher/Zen
master Alan Watts: "Policemen are clergymen armed with billy clubs." Any
Thomas doubting the truth of that dictum is invited to walk up to a police
officer and a) smoke a joint; b) read a pornographic magazine or c) drink
a beer or hard liquor. I wager you will find out very quickly--and
possibly very painfully--that Watts was speaking 200 proof truth.
Granted that only one of the above listed activities is actually illegal,
it must be noted that the others require the interposition of a bag,
usually referenced brown. Anyone who has observed this culture for any
length of time will conclude that, for all our glorious talk of freedom,
our joys are as circumscribed as those of any religious devotee. So,
because of the much-vaunted Judeo-Christian work & play ethic (here he
goes blaming the Christians and the WASPS again), police are armed
clergypersons. To recoin a phrase, if I will it (and I do).

I take an infamous and historic case to develop my point further. It is
generally agreed amongst historians, writers and comedians alike that
Lenny Bruce was a genius, a socio-sexual comedian and performance artist
who used "dirty" words and thoughts to shock people into heightened
awareness of their Weltanschaung so he could show them society's
hypocrisies unclothed. He was a brilliant conceptualist: his routine
entitled "How To Relax Colored People At A Party," performed in tandem
with his friend Eric Miller, an African-American bass player, was an
enhancement and updating of Dorothy Parker's classic short story
"Arrangement in Black and White." Another famous routine, "To Come,"
celebrated the joys of sex and orgasm years before Masters and Johnson,
David Reuben and Alex Comfort.

To the cops who kept arresting him, and the judges, attorneys and juries
who kept judging, prosecuting and convicting him, he was just a
foul-mouthed junkie. And because police are armed clergypersons, they used
the force of law to shut him up, destroy his livelihood and hound him into
an early grave. In the 1960s, people were theoretically supposed to be
able to decide for themselves whether to see an artist or a work of art.
This was the conclusion many reached after the "Howl" and "Naked Lunch"
obscenity trials were decided in favor of the writers. In actuality, then
as now, law enforcement and the judiciary act in unholy tandem to decide
what may not be perceived by the six senses of Humankind.

Lenny Bruce died a broken man, with an unfinished manuscript in his
typewriter and a spike in his vein. He could not have known that the cops
who came to his house would prop him up on a toilet and exhibit him to
great fanfare for fellow "peace" officers, paparazzi and other parasitic
forms of life. While the names of his persecutors have fallen into dust,
his star shines more brightly on the cosmic highway than it ever did
during his life. And any comedian who fails to pay proper obeisance to his
memory and his courage may find his/her career going the way of Andrew
Dice Clay's.

It would be easy-peasy to cite more examples to prove my thesis, but the
point's been made. Free speech has always been a myth, from the Alien and
Sedition Act to the USA Patriot Act. When Uncle Sam don't like what you're
saying, Uncle Sam spank. Doesn't matter if you're a NEA-sponsored artist
or a painter who draws the dole. Not only are police armed clergy, they
are agents of control, sent by state and federal agencies to search out
and destroy creative, intelligent humans, usually on the feeble pretext of
lifestyle choices. They are agents of entropy. And they are as
anti-intellectual and anti-evolutional as the most backwoods Damentalist
Bible-and-pulpit pounder. (I call them Damentalists 'cause they ain't no
damn fun, but they sure as shootin' are demented.)

Police are unnecessary evils. They are pro-entropy and anti-evolution. If
we are to evolve as a species, we must eliminate their power, take away
their ability to enforce morality and art criticism with guns and clubs.
The harm they do society and humanity at the behest of the psychopaths who
command them far outweighs any good they do, and this imbalance has
existed for far too long.

Most people--even those who agree with me in principle--will argue that we
still need police, that we are not yet sufficiently evolved to handle our
own problem, that the police serve as a "necessary evil," in the words of
the late Paul Twitchell. I believe the real reason for the Second
Amendment--aside from the tempest-in-a-teapot over what defines a
militia--was to give the American citizenry the right to defend themselves
from force, theft and fraud, whether at the hands of a criminal or a
government functionary. I'd ask my neighbor, or even a stranger, for help
before I'd call a cop. William S. Burroughs once observed, "Once the cops
start asking questions, there's no stopping them." Raymond Chandler
agreed: "I never saw any of them again--except the cops. No way has yet
been invented to say goodbye to them."

There are many alternatives to calling the police: self-defense, community
action, using mediation and arbitration to resolve disputes. One need not
always appeal to authorities or alpha males to resolve difficulties. But
most people do not show the initiative to use these resources, out of
ignorance or learned helplessness. As we continue to evolve intellectually
and spiritually--as information doubles in increasing intervals and Spirit
manifests itself more and more--I believe these resources will be utilized
more often than not.

We are born with all the tools we need not only to survive, but to thrive
and find joy and love. We are quickly and efficiently taught at home, in
school and in church that we are helpless, sinful beings, that we can't
fight City Hall, that we must always call on others who know better than
us when there's trouble. Sure and there will always be times when friends
and family are needed and prized--"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy,
increased" is universal law--but there are also times for self-reliance.
Otherwise, life and free will are cruel jokes perpetrated by a
control-freak creator. I don't believe that's so. Do you?

Copyright 2003 by Andrew Williams. Free to forward with all attributions.