THUMBING YOUR NOSE AT TERROR

By Andrew Williams

Now that Congress has officially given Baby Bush the power to fuck over

carefully chosen bits of the Middle East to get US oil, it behooves US all

to show our Leader the respect he's bought. Yes, King George II is our

overlord and we must pay him fealty, obesience and all those other brown

word things that a serf/peasant/peon does for a monarch.

So the experts figure that the ground war will last about a month, the

mopping-up operations about as long, and the occupation...indefinite.

Meanwhile, Saddam is undoubtedly preparing to deploy all his chem-bio

weapons against US troops. And if his virologists have been successful in

mutating any virii, all the inoculations in our stores will be pretty

useless. Which could make Gulf War Syndrome look like the 24-hour flu. And

let's not forget the weapons stores of the Middle Eastern nations that

will wax sorely pissed at us for attacking Iraq.

If I were a psychiatrist, I would diagnose both Baby George and Saddam

with megalomania. Like all such types, they want all the power, all the

money, all the women and they want them NOW. The Fundamentalist pose is

just that. Typical of this personality type are such fantasies as being

the last man on Earth, having all the women, palaces, castles in the sky,

everything at their beck and call. Heaven on Earth for them, Hell on Earth

for us.

Ideally, some enterprising doctor would have already gone behind the

lines, injected these two worthies full of Thorazine, and packed them off

to the nearest Happy Home for remedial therapy in working and playing well

with others (what Bucky Fuller called "Advantaging all without

disadvantaging any.") But since we live on the Planet of the Naked Apes,

and even the smartest among us can be fooled by the Big Lie technique,

most people actually believe our leaders know what they're doing. (Even

though, paradoxically, they don't really trust them and don't want war.

Just watch the polls when the shooting starts, and read Twain's "The War

Psychoses.")

Anyway, since I've been (or will be) declared an "enemy combatant,"

according to the nebulous, unwritten definition of that wonderful Newspeak

term, I figure I've got nothing to lose. So if I say that George Bush and

Saddam Hussein are both power-mad greed-heads, and wack jobs to boot, I

don't think they'll take too kindly to that. But that's how I see things.

Anyway, if anyone reading this is interested in a solution--even an

off-the-wall, off-the-cuff one--here goes:

Because the twin planes

Made our twin penii collapse

George has to show we're still potent

and that he is as well

But war makes penises limp

and vaginas dry

because

"Don't you know there's a war on?"

Oh wow! I can see it now!

George Bush needs yohimbine!

Dick Cheney should eat oysters!

More fiber for John Asscroft,

Colon Powell and Donald Rumpfeld!

Condi Rice, consider rotating your

carb and protein sources!

Tom Rigid--he's OK (I guess)

So the open secret is out:

America's having trouble getting it up,

especially politicians on TV.

Solet's have a Capitol orgy!

Everyone have orgy!

Champagne and oysters will flow freely!

And then,

we'll get down to it.