Why I Respect Osama bin Laden More Than I Do Al Gore

I think Osama bin Laden should be apprehended and executed. But you have to give the guy his props.

O: There is something that Osama bin Laden believes strongly enough to live for it and die for it.
A: There is nothing Al Gore believes that couldn't be affected by polling numbers.

O: Osama's operation is incredibly effective.
A: Al Gore's operation is still trying to recount Florida.

O: Osama lives in tunnels and wields a kalashnikov.
A: Al Gore lives in mansions and wields a palm pilot.

O: Osama travels around rural Afghanistan with his three wives and fifteen children.
A: Al Gore is married to Tipper Gore.

O: Osama is a skinny dude wrapped in robes and turbans.
A: Al Gore is dressed by Naomi Wolf.

O: Osama is a nasty sonofabitch. He'd be interesting to hang around.
A: Al Gore is a harmless soul who in a vague way means well.

O: Osama bin Laden is a warrior.
A: Al Gore is a technocrat.

O: Osama speaks for himself and his movement.
A: Al Gore speaks for focus groups.

Hence,
O: Osama says something.
A: Al Gore says nothing.

O: Osama is human in his rage, in his faith. In his wrongness, he is true.
A: Al Gore, in the mindless repetition of his catch-phrases, is an automaton. In his rightness, he is false.

O: Osama bin Laden is not exploring the feasibility of another run at the white house.